Furious 7 Racing Review (Android)

Jesus Christ this game is terrible. ... Wait, let me rephrase that: Vin Diesel this game is terrible!

From the embarrassing dark corners of the Google Play store comes yet another mobile gaming stereotype. Not to be confused with the other Furious 7 racing; that game is actually licensed by the film studio. This version By Raptor Interactive is more like a weed that grows next to the plants you actually want; growing just close enough to it, yet still managing to be fucking useless and looking like shit.

Gameplay:

This game sports one of the stupidest leveling systems I've ever seen. You start your career mode in Tokyo drift.... I mean Japan, challenging different anonymous drivers for money, and even though the map that you use to select these challenges are all different locations, you end up challenging every driver on the same fucking track. There are about 12 people you have to defeat before you can even get to another track in career mode at all, which is retarded.

This game controls about as well as a bar of soap riding a skateboard. Once you get past all ten billion of the Google play ads that harass you throughout the menu system like a Jehovah's Witness with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, The game play is one of the most infuriating things you could imagine. There is a steering assist feature you cant turn off, which magnetizes your ass to a wall like gravity, and don't even think about making the fatal mistake of scraping the barriers, because strolling near a wall's personal space creates about as much friction as a train running full speed into Superman's erect penis. Your car comes to a complete fucking stop SIDEWAYS if you swipe a little to closely to the side of the track.

Graphics:

The graphics on this game walk the line between an arcade game in a casino Lobby to something that the PlayStation 2 would roll its eyes at. Some things look weirder than others though, like running over a Nitro boost looks like a stream of molten Diarrhea is falling out of the back of your car on the way to a Taco Bell restroom.

Conclusion:

Shit Game? Check.
Title and concept ripped off from a better game? Check.
Designed for the sole purpose of piggybacking off of the success of a popular intellectual Property? Check.
Littered with way too many Google Play Ads? Double-Check!

Wow, this game really runs the gambit of shitty mobile gaming stereotypes.